It’s 11:00pm. I’m lying in bed. My mind drifts off to the point where I’m precisely 70% asleep and 30% awake. I’m at the place where I don’t have perception of time. Am I asleep? My mind suddenly wakes up and I make my way to the bathroom and then check my phone. 12:36am. I am completely awake now. Hmmm shall I read? Meh I don’t feel like it. Night run? Oh yes. I’m feeling the kind of energy where I just have to drop everything and go. Before I know it I’m running on the highway that runs parallel to the freeway. Perfect setting for a night run. Bright enough street lights so I can kinda see where I’m going, and the sound of cars passing by. That repetitive sound mixed with the sounds of nature creates a space where my thoughts are clear. I become clear. I look at the cars passing by. Am I dreaming? I think. It’s just me, my breath, the wind whooshing past me, and my mind. I feel light. Running on this dark street under the night sky. I run and run some more. I am anything but straight. And what I mean by that is most of the time I live purely off the moment. I have thoughts of living in the flow and what that means to me. Do you ever see a patch of strawberries in the wild growing in perfect rows? Never. Nature is spontaneity. It feels like my feet are hovering. I am hovering. Some Eastern mystics talk about the witness. It makes sense to me. The witness is the part of you that has the ability to stand back and just witness and observe your Self. Like I’m just witnessing this guy Andrew Marcum running on the street and observing all these thoughts and emotions passing by, just like the cars. As I’m running on the overpass I look over at the cars going under me and think, “What if I lunged over the barricade. My physical body could be gone in 5 seconds.” What a strange and dark thought. It passes in the blink of an eye. Now feelings of being married pass through me. How unreal of a thought! It’s exciting. My marriage will not be normal, because my mind is not normal. I am not normal. My thoughts are clear and crisp, but I can’t even articulate to myself what I’m feeling. The ideal relationship is one that encompasses the ultimate paradox. We have to be one but at the same time not be attached. If you want to make Mac N Cheese for dinner, well go right ahead. I’m gonna make what I want, which is a freakin peanut butter banana chocolate smoothie. And we can’t trip out about that! The differences. Our humanity. If I want space give me some damn space. We don’t always have to be together. If I’m out doing my own thing don’t stress about it. Don’t worry. We have to embrace our individual differences, our own separate desires and wants, our Selves. But at the same time be One. We have to know how to let go of each other and trust that we will come back to each other time and time again. Always. I pass into a part of town I’ve never been. Hmmm this is nice. I turn around and eventually pass the overpass again. Thoughts of when I fall pass through me. When I make the same stupid mistakes over and over again. As I’m thinking of this I start laughing hysterically. Blissfully. My arms are flapping around like the fins of a fish jumping out of water. The witness inside of me says, “Look how deliciously human you are!” Yes. So yes. So beautiful. Now I’m thinking of a few friends I want to write a little short story to. A Story of One Night. Oh wait, better yet, send it to those friends and post it on the blog. I’m almost home. I’m in my room now. Wow I love my room. My space. I splash some water in my face and hop in a cold shower for precisely one minute. I turn my computer on. Now Microsoft word is up. I take a swig of my cold refreshing spring water. I have to grab my shirt to wipe off my arms and hands because I’m still sweating from the run. Headphones in. Now my music is on. Something that sounds just about the same as cars passing by and the calmness of night. Here I am. In my boxers and tank top.
A Story of One Night
by Andrew Marcum?
by Andrew Marcum?
