My Experience with Religion

For those who don't know I grew up as a member of the LDS Church.  I first want to say my intention is not to offend anyone, but rather to share my genuine feelings and experience.

Hmmm where to start? When I look back on my years being an active member of the Church the parts I enjoyed most were making friendships and just having a blast at boy scout activities and hanging out with the friends I made. As far as the religion aspect of Church such as studying and lessons and such I never really got too much out of it in my early years. It was more like I was just their because that's what everyone else was doing. Looking back there are a lot of positive things that I take from those days, but all in all the Church has had a very negative impact on my life. Let me explain. 

I'd just like to clarify, when I say Church, I don't mean any of the individuals. I'm talking strictly about the institution. Being the curious dude that I am, it was just a matter of time before I'd experiment with different drugs and alcohol, and then there is the stuff that I know everyone loves talking about. Masturbation and pornography. Lets just get right to the point, in this day and age pornography is basically as widespread as food and water. Being a dude (sorry can't say how it is for the ladies) it is pretty much inevitable that you will view pornography at least at some point. Why can't we just be open about it? I mean my goodness. Now, here's one word that I rarely use. Hate. I hate how the Church demonizes these kind of behaviors, especially the sexual ones, because all it does is create this cloud of darkness that only gives it more power. The belief that these behaviors are an "abomination to the lord" is so much worse than the actual thing! The fact that the Church doesn't openly discuss something as natural (masturbation) as eating is messed up in my mind. Because what does that do when you inevitably (and if you don't at some point you are probably a space alien) masturbate? It makes you feel like it was somehow wrong, and it's a terrible sin, and it creates this feeling of guilt that goes along with it. At least that is what it did to me, and so for many years I wasn't open (meaning I didn't tell anyone) with what was happening and what that did to me brings tears to my heart just thinking about it. Slowly slipping away into a black hole of guilt, shame, and self hate. Because it's terrible you know? Experimenting with mind altering drugs, pornography, masturbation. It's all so very bad. Right? It took me about three years to finally tell my parents, with tears in my eyes, that yes, I have masturbated and looked at porn. Goodness. Not a year later, my parents moved up to Washington and I moved with them. This was the absolute worst time of my life. The seemingly never ending dark gloomy weather, along with the inner black hole that was still consuming me, made me feel distant from everything and everyone. Trapped. Isolated. Miserable.  I was a sliver of a human being, but I learned how to put a fake smile on my face and act like everything was ok. I was completely psychotic. I was absolutely convinced, and I mean absolutely convinced that I was going to hell. I mean I took a bunch of drugs and masturbated and looked at porn, so I must be a terrible sinner going straight to hell. Right?

I'll take a little pause there, and say that this isn't meant to be a confession, I'm just sharing how the Church has impacted my life, and I'm not one to sugar coat. This is my experience. Period. I'm not afraid to share my deepest feelings and experiences with the world, because I know, at least I hope this will help someone or maybe make you question your own beliefs to develop a deeper understanding of your own truth. At the end of the day, all I have to relate to the world is my own experience. Put in the most straightforward way, freak, man, the Church really fucked with my head. About a year after living in Washington I moved back to Utah and I was getting a little better, but still in a deep dark cloud. I was still trying to stay active in the Church, and all throughout this span of time, still being a part of the Church, I never felt good enough. And it wasn't true, I was living a really good life, but the belief that I was a sinner and a bad person if I masturbated or decided to drink or smoke one night was like a poison seeping through my mind. Towards the end of 2012 I attempted to serve a mission for the Church but because I ended up drinking one night after more than a few months abstinence they told me I had to wait another six months. After all the effort I put into trying to "do the right thing." I was done at that point. Done with the Church. After more months of guilt and shame I finally started to shed some layers of that heavy burden. I was now on the path of discovering my own truth. My own way. Discovering my own self worth. And I couldn't be happier with that choice. Leaving the Church was the best decision I have made in my entire life.

I'll take another pause right here and reiterate that this was simply my experience. Everyone is different. And that is part of the reason I don't believe in the institution (that's not to say I don't believe in some of the good principles of the LDS Church) of Religion because I don't believe one path is right for every single person on the planet. That doesn't make any sense to me, and frankly that is very narrow minded, to me at least. I know it is a great thing for a lot of people, but for me it ended up really damaging me.

The light started to seep in again when in 2013 I started to forge beliefs about myself that were very positive. This year I met my dear friend Molly, and without even realizing it, she slowly started to change my perception about myself. She saw the genuinely good hearted person that I am. She saw so much good in me, good that was always there, but back hidden in the shadows of programmed beliefs from childhood. Beliefs that stemmed from the Church. Such a great year for me, and it only got better and better.

Another little pause. I still to do this day believe in a lot of the core principles of the Church but one principle that feels so unbelievably wrong to me is that families need to be sealed in a temple to be together forever. That is so messed up, and I don't believe in a God that would do that. Because that is contrary to God's totally accepting, all encompassing, unconditionally loving nature. Please, imagine this for a moment. I've passed on, and I'm with my Creator. He takes a look at the life I've lived, and I see it at the same time, feeling everything, knowing everything I've ever done, thought, felt, everything. He says, man you lived an incredible life, you treated your fellow man with love and acceptance, you made quite a few unwise choices but you tried your best to learn and grow, you traveled the world and developed meaningful relationships everywhere you went, but oh shoot, oh no Andrew, you chose to leave the LDS Church, I guess you can't be with your family forever. Then pointing to some other angels, He says, take him away to one of the lower kingdoms, one where he can't be with the people he loves. Sorry to add some humor into that but that principle is just not true. I know in my heart I will eternally be with my family and friends.

In 2014 I decided to spontaneously buy a one way ticket to London and travel around Europe indefinitely. From talking with different people in Europe, I could still see a lot of traces of damaging beliefs such as unworthiness still inside me, but I continued to work through them. Europe was so amazing for me because I didn't have any technology with me other than a camera and it gave me ample time to really accept myself and love myself and appreciate nature and people on a whole different level. The main realization I had in Europe as I pondered how the Church had impacted my life is this. So we all know how the story goes, because Eve partook of the forbidden fruit all men then became evil and carnal and bad. I don't believe that one bit. The belief that humankind is in someway bad and we're all sinners. What I came to understand is that I am not a sinner at all, I am a fucking human being. To me that was profound, because how does the belief that we are all sinners and bad do any good? I don't need those damaging beliefs to have faith in Christ and what He did for me. In all my experience in this life I have not met one evil or bad person. Not one. I have met a lot of people with extremely difficult challenges though, and guess what that is called? It's called being human. And it's all good. There is nothing bad about being human and having certain impulses and desires and challenges.

Fast forward to today and I am more content then I've ever been in my life, and as hard as it is to feel grateful for all the suffering I experienced, it has made me into the person I am today, and I love who I am, so I don't know maybe it was necessary for me to become the amazing man that I am.  I know I am a much deeper understanding person because of all the suffering I experienced.

That's it. This was my experience with Religion.

Just a little note to anyone that has a family member or friend who has left the Church, I think living in that sphere of Religion it can be all too easy to wrongly assume that person must be lost or feeling sad about it. Please don't make that assumption, because maybe it was someone like me, who's experience leaving the Church was incredibly positive. If there is one thing I know in this life it's that you can never assume or think you know what someone is going through, because you don't.

And no I haven't lost faith in my Creator. I will never lose that. 

The Lone Wolf Adventure #2

        I was lying in my bed watching Chef’s Table episode three. This particular episode was about a chef named Francis Mallmann who grew up in the isolated Patagonian islands. Put simply, the scenery & cinematography was unbelievably beautiful. Also, so much of what Francis said resonated with me, and I kept asking myself, “why am I not traveling more?” Not more than a day after that I made the plans as to how I would make some extra money, and I decided on Sydney, Australia to start my journey. March 8. I’m leaving on March 8, I said to myself.

        I’ve realized over time how powerful making a decision is. You know, like just deciding to do something. A total commitment. Not 50% committed, not 70%, not even 99%, 100% commitment. I had no idea how I would come up with the funds to fuel my travels, but I just decided I’m flying to Australia, and I’m leaving March 8. Period. With that commitment there came a shift in my reality, in the Universe. I love the way the author Paulo Coelho puts it. “And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”

        I remembered this place called LifeTree Clinical Research that my cousin told me about, and I called them up and they happened to be screening for a study right then. I scheduled an appointment and drove up to Salt Lake City, then two weeks later I found out the news that I made it in. I was ecstatic. In short, I stayed at this hospital type place for five days and one day they gave me the placebo (we didn’t know if it’d be the placebo or the drug) and two days later they gave me an instant release pain killer, and then did tests like how long it stays in the blood, measured side effects, etc, and then the rest of the days were washout days. The easiest $1550 ever.

        So here I am, all moved into my parents house on Bainbridge Island. I bought my ticket on Cyber Monday for $722 to Sydney, and I will be saving up as much money as I can working up here for the next three months until I leave. I love that I am the creator of my life. This isn’t what my parents want me to do, it’s not what my siblings want me to do, it’s not what any religion wants me to do, it’s not what my friends want me to do, it sure as hell is not what society wants me to do (that would be to go to school, get a degree, and another degree, own a bunch of shit I don’t need, and get a good paying comfortable job and live a boring unoriginal life), it’s what I want to do. To me that means I’m creating a truly genuine & authentic life. I’m so stoked.

The Lone Wolf is beastin it again. 

My Room

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Welcome to my room. When I first moved here 11 months ago it was completely empty. I slept on the floor in the corner for two weeks, then I picked up a free couch on craigslist, slept on that for another few weeks, then got a very nice queen bed for you guessed it, zero dollars. As this process went on of continually checking out the free section on craigslist and yard sales, I managed to fully furnish this room for $70. Not too shabby! What I learned as I continued designing was that, for one, I love creating my own space. When the day comes that I move into another place or buy a home I never want it to be furnished. Where is the fun in that? So boring and unoriginal. I want to create my own space, just as I want to create my own life. 

One day I had the idea of printing up one hundred of my favorite pictures from my Europe journey and made some good wall art, and this was the result. I love it, and it's fun to look at them and remember the great times. My roommate Anthony and I went cruising around some trails in our backyard and picked up a bunch of rocks. Easily entertained, I put on some music and set up a nice rock tower. The dresser and lamp I picked up for free at a yard sale, and replaced the white lightbulb with an orange l.e.d. light. It emits the perfect amount of an orange glow, like the sun setting. 

For the last eight or so months I've been a host on the website couchsurfing.com. It's been so awesome to host people from all over the world. Essentially it's a website where you can either be a host or a couchsurfer anywhere in the world, and in this case, people message me that are passing through town or will be passing through, and then I agree to host them. In most cases, I give up my room so they can have their own private master bedroom and bathroom, and it's been an enriching experience every single time to get to know people, albeit for a short amount of time, from a different culture and area of the world. I started this tradition from the very first person I hosted, where they put a pin up where they are from. As of now I've hosted people from Alaska, California, Texas, Minnesota, Whales, Isle of Man, France, Germany, Austria, Poland, Australia, Japan, and Chile. 

On the left some handmade pieces from Turkey I got from a friend. A diffuser & humidifier that changes colors and I can put a few drops of essential oils in to get some nice clean scents going. My favorite is blood orange, cinnamon bark, and ginger. Mmmmm. And well, gotta have Buddha's hand and more rocks for a nice aesthetic touch. 

Easily my favorite setup with a bed I've ever had. Laugh if you want, but the couch against one side, and the wall on the other, with the bed low, creates the perfect amount of cozy-ness! I will never have my bed in the middle of my room ever again. On the ceiling is a scarf I got on the last farm I stayed at in Sicily. What's better to look at while daydreaming then little fish's swimming around and turtles hanging out on floating tubes ah ha. Had to throw up a nice yin/yang polar fleece blanket because to this day I'm still so passionate about Chinese tonic herbs and their ideas about the human energy system. Straight ahead is another scarf I got years ago at a meditation store in Salt Lake City, and of course it is purple with creatures on it. 

Ear plugs and a sleeping mask placed ever so conveniently 

I started sleeping with a mask on months ago and I really love it. The problem is in the morning when the light shines through the window and your brain picks up that it's morning time, it starts releasing certain hormones so your sleep is then disrupted even if you're not aware of it. Also, if you haven't noticed my light bulbs are orange and yellow, rather than the typical white, because at night any white or blue light (phones, computers, etc) disrupts your body's ability to produce melatonin which helps to regulate sleep patterns and circadian rhythms. Put simply, you spend 1/3 of your life sleeping, don't you think it'd be a good idea to optimize that area of your life?

One of my favorites in my room, the psychedelic elephant tree with some stars sprinkled on top for good measure. The light shining through the window creates an awesome effect!  

On the right are some frames I made of some pictures I took when I lived up near Seattle, and also one I took in San Francisco. 

Completely random ball of colored glass and a piece of a tree ha ha. Why not? 

On the top right is a two gallon glass jar with my homemade Kombucha (fermented tea) brewing to blissful perfection.  

Some of my favorite artwork ever. Every time I really look I can see something different, as it is with life. 

Variety of different plants I've picked up from different hikes and road trips I've been on this year, along with my handmade piece of pottery I made in 10th grade. 

Oh yes, the joker and some more joker. My old roommate found that little one randomly on someone's lawn and gave it to me, and the painting in the back my friend got for me in London. I think a part of me has always identified with the joker, maybe it's because he's so different and goes against the social norm. And some Japanese couchsurfers left that origami for me. 

 A dear friend drew this for me years back. It's perfect. 

Two necklaces I bought from an unforgettable man named Nanga in Sicily, when I was on the east coast at a farmers market. The black feather I picked up while walking with a Sicilian family I stayed with in an ancient city literally on a mountain. Good spot for my keys!  

Chunks of pure salt from central Utah that purify the air and add a nice energy to any room. 

Well, gotta have some lights. 

Great spot for my spring water that I collect myself from a local town. With an easy paint job the wood went from boring to forest green. 

Some sweet pumpkins I got from the farm I work for, as well as two jars that I have for fermenting vegetables. 

Red and green lights for some Christmas vibes all year round baby. 

Quality essential oils

More joker, the color purple, and nature of course. 

Last but not least, my shower curtain. 

Damn, I have one hell of a room. 

This is Today

Hi. Today I woke up at 2:48am completely refreshed. Instead of staying in bed I found the prospect of cleaning the fridge a fun idea, so I did. Dancing to some flossy tunes I cleaned the entire fridge and unconsciously started "facing" items. How you know you've been working at a grocery store for a long time!

Now it's 5:09am and I'm thinking about this day. Here's a little breakdown

-9:30-4:30pm work. The past few weeks Real Foods Market has been undergoing a transformational remodel, and it's almost done! It's so awesome to me how it's all turning out and so satisfying seeing so many improvements in so little time. More on that to come later.

-After work pick up forest green paint to paint my new water holder in my room, as well as glow in the dark balloons for tonight

-Make homemade pizza for the couchsurfing babes staying at my place tonight. Next up, star watching at the perfect spot, with the surprise of me whipping out my new helium balloon filler to let some glowing orbs float off into the night sky.

-Homemade cinnamon banana ice cream

What an epic day this day is. This is today. 

A Story of One Night

It’s 11:00pm. I’m lying in bed. My mind drifts off to the point where I’m precisely 70% asleep and 30% awake. I’m at the place where I don’t have perception of time. Am I asleep? My mind suddenly wakes up and I make my way to the bathroom and then check my phone. 12:36am. I am completely awake now. Hmmm shall I read? Meh I don’t feel like it. Night run? Oh yes. I’m feeling the kind of energy where I just have to drop everything and go. Before I know it I’m running on the highway that runs parallel to the freeway. Perfect setting for a night run. Bright enough street lights so I can kinda see where I’m going, and the sound of cars passing by. That repetitive sound mixed with the sounds of nature creates a space where my thoughts are clear. I become clear. I look at the cars passing by. Am I dreaming? I think. It’s just me, my breath, the wind whooshing past me, and my mind. I feel light. Running on this dark street under the night sky. I run and run some more. I am anything but straight. And what I mean by that is most of the time I live purely off the moment. I have thoughts of living in the flow and what that means to me. Do you ever see a patch of strawberries in the wild growing in perfect rows? Never. Nature is spontaneity. It feels like my feet are hovering. I am hovering. Some Eastern mystics talk about the witness. It makes sense to me. The witness is the part of you that has the ability to stand back and just witness and observe your Self. Like I’m just witnessing this guy Andrew Marcum running on the street and observing all these thoughts and emotions passing by, just like the cars. As I’m running on the overpass I look over at the cars going under me and think, “What if I lunged over the barricade. My physical body could be gone in 5 seconds.” What a strange and dark thought. It passes in the blink of an eye. Now feelings of being married pass through me. How unreal of a thought! It’s exciting. My marriage will not be normal, because my mind is not normal. I am not normal. My thoughts are clear and crisp, but I can’t even articulate to myself what I’m feeling. The ideal relationship is one that encompasses the ultimate paradox. We have to be one but at the same time not be attached. If you want to make Mac N Cheese for dinner, well go right ahead. I’m gonna make what I want, which is a freakin peanut butter banana chocolate smoothie. And we can’t trip out about that! The differences. Our humanity. If I want space give me some damn space. We don’t always have to be together. If I’m out doing my own thing don’t stress about it. Don’t worry. We have to embrace our individual differences, our own separate desires and wants, our Selves. But at the same time be One. We have to know how to let go of each other and trust that we will come back to each other time and time again. Always. I pass into a part of town I’ve never been. Hmmm this is nice. I turn around and eventually pass the overpass again. Thoughts of when I fall pass through me. When I make the same stupid mistakes over and over again. As I’m thinking of this I start laughing hysterically. Blissfully. My arms are flapping around like the fins of a fish jumping out of water. The witness inside of me says, “Look how deliciously human you are!” Yes. So yes. So beautiful. Now I’m thinking of a few friends I want to write a little short story to. A Story of One Night. Oh wait, better yet, send it to those friends and post it on the blog. I’m almost home. I’m in my room now. Wow I love my room. My space. I splash some water in my face and hop in a cold shower for precisely one minute. I turn my computer on. Now Microsoft word is up. I take a swig of my cold refreshing spring water. I have to grab my shirt to wipe off my arms and hands because I’m still sweating from the run. Headphones in. Now my music is on. Something that sounds just about the same as cars passing by and the calmness of night. Here I am. In my boxers and tank top. 

A Story of One Night

by Andrew Marcum? 

Real Foods Market

Real Foods Market came into my existence when I was doing research on raw milk and I was interested in implementing it into my diet to see how I felt about it. I learned there was a local supplier in town and was so stoked to try it out. From the very first time I walked into the store I noticed something different. It was a feeling. Like this place is special.

I continued to shop at Real Foods Market and eventually asked if they were hiring, and they happened to be at that time. I went in for a group interview and everything was spot on. The philosophy and integrity of the company aligned with my own. What I loved and still love about working here is that it allows me to be myself and it's a place I want to be. It's such a great job and it's allowed me to be a powerful influence in my sphere of the world and share the knowledge and passion I have for nutrition and living holistically.

A few stories. This lady came into the store and we started having a conversation and she was talking about all the health challenges she's been experiencing, and to me it sounded like some sort of candida problem so I recommended coconut oil because of it's powerful anti-bacterial, anti-fungal, anti-parasitic, and immune enhancing properties. I told her to start out slow but work up to 3-4 tablespoons a day and see how it works. Aaron, the manager at the time, told me this same lady came in (I don't think it was more than a month) and was asking if I was there, but I wasn't so she told him the story of how 10 years ago she had surgery and apparently the surgeon had left some non-dissolvable wire in her stomach. How did she discover the wire? The coconut oil literally flushed it out and she pulled the wire out of her stomach! What a story and what an experience for me to hear that. After all that time this little wire had become infected with bacteria and parasites and who knows what else, and no one knew what was causing all her health problems. But my recommendation to take coconut oil literally changed her life and now she has her energy back and has recommended it to all her friends.

Another story. I don't remember the gist of the conversation but this guy came into the store about a year ago and I recommended a product called Vitamineral Green by the company Healthforce Nutritionals. This product is awesome. It's loaded with different plants, roots, seaweeds, things that people just don't get in their normal diets. He felt a positive difference and continued to buy it every time he ran out. I saw him a few weeks ago and he is still buying it and feeling good! Also, he's been continually buying a raw fermented cod liver oil that we carry that I turned him onto but wasn't aware of until now, and he said "yeah man I feel it in my body, it just feels good." I've seen him a few times since then and every time he comes in he's like "I really appreciate what you're doing here" and it's so heartfelt. It's awesome to feel this kind of appreciation but the past year, especially my time in Europe, I've really come to appreciate and love myself in a way that I simply don't need approval or appreciation from anyone to feel good about myself and what I'm doing. It doesn't matter, but of course it feels good. If people were to tell me everyday I suck at life and I'm no good or whatever it wouldn't matter. I decide how I feel at any given moment and my perception is completely up to me. And I choose to feel good about myself, all the time.

About a month ago I met with a lady named Lisa at Dixie State University to drop one of my classes and as I walked in I noticed a muscle milk on her desk. When I was about to walk out I said "how's that muscle milk treatin you?" And of course that led me to say you know that's just sugar, water, and a bunch of synthetic vitamins right? Then I told her about where I work and we had a good conversation and by the end of it I had her so excited to come into Real Foods it was ridiculous. She never came in. Well, fast forward to last week and I was at the school to see an advisor and I thought hmmm Lisa is probably drinking some muscle milk right now so I stopped by her little office and knocked on the window. And I bet you can guess what happened. She made a gesture to come in and there on the desk was a muscle milk! I said "yeah I was just thinking you're probably drinking some muscle milk right now" and she said "I actually haven't had one for a few weeks, but today I wanted something else other than a bagel." Then she said something like "you are really intuitive." The rest of the conversation I was simply nudging her to just maybe kinda sorta possibly eat some better food and come into Real Foods. It got me thinking everyone has their own habits, especially with food. But how do I be convincing enough? I guess the person has to want to change their diet or at least be open to it.

It's really awesome that almost every week at Real Foods Market we have a free class on a variety of topics, and in April I get to teach a class on a topic of my choice. A couple weeks ago we had a class on bettering your health where everyone was chiming in and there was such good information being shared, and there were two other guys in the class that I felt had amazing stuff to share. The other day I had been thinking about asking one of the guys Russel to see if he wanted to teach a class with me, and he walks into the store, shops around for a bit, and looks at me and asks if there are any available times to teach a class. I was like, "wow dude I was literally just thinking of asking you to teach a class with me" and we talked for a while and simply put we both knew we aligned with this. I get so stoked when situations flow so effortlessly that it's just meant to be. Hopefully within the next couple months the ball will be rolling and I will be teaching a class (or collaborating with others) every single week. A fellow co-worker will be renting out her own space to focus solely on doing classes because that's what she loves doing, so I'll be working on making that happen.

Making some fresh juice

Stories for days. This just happened today. A lady named Ally came in and I used to make her juices all the time but I hadn't seen her for about a year. She looked like a ghost of her former self. Apparently she has been bed-ridden the past five months or so and the doctors are saying she has cancer, but she is refusing chemotherapy and radiation and all that which makes me happy. The cure is in nature. Everyone has the power to heal themselves through shifts of consciousness and using food as medicine and anything else that is nourishing and healing to the individual. Anyways, I was making her some juices like old times and we were talking and she asked me if there's anything that could help, and the herb chaparral came to mind. I had tried chaparral from a source online a while back and recently discovered it again while I was hiking with my roommate behind where we live. I noticed it on the hike, looked at it, smelled it and knew instantly it was chaparral. And this stuff grows all over! After I got home I was refreshing my mind and doing some research on chaparral & cancer and the top two sites were from the UK Cancer Research and American Cancer Society and what do you know they are claiming some ridiculous bull shit that it is toxic to the liver and all this other complete non sense. Nothing gets my blood boiling like the FDA and all their lies and absolutely false information. It's so obvious they don't want people to be well, because where is the money in that?? Freak. I'll end it at that before I end up ranting for hours. (Hmm the FDA is in control of the food and the drugs of our society. Nuff said). I did more digging and was like oh yeah I remember this herb has been used for hundreds and hundreds of years by Native Americans to treat certain types of cancer and many other ailments. Needless to say I'm going to collect a huge garbage bag of wild chaparral so she can start treating herself with NO side effects.

My backyard!

Wild chaparral

I have a natural tendency to look at people and try and discern their situation, especially with regards to where they are at nutritionally. For example every time I meet with my work coop advisor Andrew he has a coffee and sometimes a soda too. I notice dryness around his lips. He sometimes yawns several times in the fifteen or so minutes we talk. He's obviously dehydrated. He's overweight. And all of this is happening inside of me and it's not like I'm judging at all, it's simple discernment and tuning into the person. I want to be like c'mon Andrew, let's get you off the soda and coffee that's just burning you out and deeply dehydrating to your body. Try starting your day with two teaspoons of raw apple cider vinegar and a teaspoon of raw honey in 20oz or more of spring water. Have a nice sustaining breakfast like oatmeal with bee pollen and nuts, or a smoothie with raw milk, frozen fruit, and spinach. As I've thought about it I realized I almost entirely recommend things that I've tried and experienced myself. I don't just read something online or in a book and then preach that as truth. I try it myself, experience it, and then recommend it. I'm always experimenting. Like ok I'll try this herb when I come home after a long day and see how it helps with fatigue or before a workout or when I need a mental boost. I'm so grateful I've adopted that mindset of being the explorer of my life because I wouldn't want to live any other way.

So Many Possibilities..

It's been a couple months since my travels ended but I'm thinking why not continue the blog? So here I am. More than anything I guess I've missed writing down what's in my mind because as the days pass my thoughts change so I see it as a very useful tool for my own self development to keep writing and sharing my life experience. Why hide my thoughts away in a journal when I can share them with the world? Hmmm, I'm already finding this fun and therapeutic. Music on. Time to let the thoughts flow.

As I've started school and work back in southern Utah I feel fully back in the western world. I'm loving this time of my life. When I look back on my time in Europe it does feel a little dreamy and distant at this point, but I've had moments like earlier today where I really tune into the trip and just start crying. So much appreciation and love for the people I met and all the experiences I had. It's like if I play the whole trip like a time lapse movie in my head I can't help but be overcome with emotion. People from all over the world that I will never forget. England. Ireland. Switzerland. Mexico. Czech Republic. Poland. Australia. Germany. Sweden. Sicily. Boston. Pennsylvania. Italy. Canada. And the list goes on.

At times I really miss my days in Europe. It was just different. A totally different vibe and lifestyle. I love the way I did the whole trip and I wouldn't change anything about it. When I look back in retrospect it was so perfect for me because it gave me the opportunity to experience something completely different. From always living in the city to living in the countryside. From working in retail and in the office to working outside in the fresh air. From working for a local farm (storefront) to actually working on a farm. From living with a schedule to living with no schedule or itinerary. This is life experience that has been so incredibly useful to expand my mind and ultimately my life. And this whole idea of experiencing the other side of the pendulum is so important to me and my journey, because I refuse to have a one-sided mind and a one-track life.

Life is a bunch of moments strung together and inner change can feel almost imperceptible, but because of my time in Europe I feel a lot more capable. More able to crush challenges that come my way and quick to learn from my mistakes and move on. 6 months of raw life experience and free choices.

It's so exciting to think about all the possibilities, but hard in a sense as well because I know I can go anywhere and do anything. I could buy another one way ticket to Europe for this fall and be gone years, eventually marry someone, gain European citizenship, and then get a legit job and live my life in Europe until I die. I mean really who knows, I sure as hell don't, but I'm open to anything.

As of now I've been immersed in Western life a few months and the fact that I lived in Europe for months without technology and so many modern conveniences I definitely have a more well rounded perspective. I have a lot of thoughts about technology and its impact on my own life. I love that technology gives me the ability to keep in contact with friends and family for one, and also being able to look up and research basically anything, not to mention all the resources (like World Wide Opportunities on Organic Farms - Work Away - etc) that give me an endless amount of opportunities all over the world, but I do feel that it takes more effort to stay balanced with all the technological distractions. At what point does it start to detract from one's life? My time in Sicily had just the right amount of technology. About every couple weeks, sometimes longer, sometimes a little shorter, I'd spend maybe an hour at an internet cafe. But geeze, when that time did come and I was able to listen to my beats, I've never heard anything so euphoric. And just the whole experience of being able to look up anything, email anyone, read emails from family, etc was incredible and so enhanced for the simple fact it was so rare, and therefore so appreciated.

There are so many possibilities living a life on the road and never staying in the same place too long. It feels like a part of me has always wanted to just be lost out in the unknown. Not only that, but all the growth and expansion of traveling the world and experiencing different cultures is so deeply enriching. I want the full human experience, and to me that means traveling, having an incredibly wide variety of experiences, and being around as many different people and as I can. To have any other mindset would be limiting to me. Like putting a giant wall around my heart.

Come next year, who knows, I may be off on The Lone Wolf Adventure #2.

Thanks for reading. More goodies to come in the following weeks :)