Memory

September 9, 2020

I went to this spot I haven’t been to in a long time. 

I lived with Jenny’s Mom for a week before I moved in here, and she had a place at these new luxury type condominiums. I kept the passcode handy and would go over there to smoke sometimes, cuz it’s three levels and has good views, and it was nearly vacant.

I went over this morning and smoked some cannabis + tobacco and really felt into an intention before I did, of just being present in the moment. Before I did I saw some lovely swallows, who for me, and true portals into multidimensional worlds. Some higher laws of love and connection. Where these creatures come into my life, the specific moments, and how they do, is pure alignment every time. Lil floating birds of freedom from Time and Space. A few small inhales and the tobacco hits my brain with pure presence instantly followed by the nuanced tones of mind and dimensions that comes with some prime leaf. 

 

Packed everything in my backpack, and posted up on the third level to sun bathe, and just Be. I continued to just let go of attachments. How often to do we truly just stop? Always going to the next moment, focused away from the present, always going somewhere. Some goal or destination. Where are we all going? And for a few moments, I’d be attached to the idea I just wrote down, the concept of it, and then let go of it into the actual moment. Distractions are illusive bastards. 

I just layed in the sun and got carried away on a wave into my own essence and consciousness. Closing my eyes a little bit and the fuzzy fractal geometry of the inside of my eye and how the light reflects off of it. The sounds of the moment. Door open. Couple voices. Footprints. Door close. Light breeze through the leaves. The green of the golf course. Nowhere to go but in. Swallows taking a spin right around me. Intuitional connection. Car whizzing by in the distance. The sun hitting my skin. Warmth enveloping my body and awareness. Imagine the consciousness of the Sun. What kind of connection can I have with the sun? Expanding my awareness. 

Imagination bringing in Higher Self kind of energy. Imagining portals of different colors opening up to me and creating a sacred orb of light around me. Creating my own angels that come from inside my own being and imagination. 

I’m in a lot of pain, but I’m not clinging to relieving it by going down to my car to get my ice pack. I’m not inching to go home or go anywhere. No music. No distractions. No goals. Dry mouth. No water. Groovy, here I am. There’s nothing to do and nowhere to go, but in that space is the moment expanding out in all directions. Awareness remembering itself. 

Hawks are flying in the distance. A few moments later they are close by, hovering  around, majestic wings, some fractal of love shot towards me and I vaporized it into imaginatively sprouting my own wings out of my shoulder blades. Ever changing colors and flow. Creating what different bodies can look like. Imagine creating your own body. 

Funneling into the pure awareness of the moment happening through this body. Linguistics struggle to explain the nuances of consciousness, and the feeling. Letting go of everything in the moment and absorbing the presence. Feeling everything as it is. Cold cement. Warm tingling of the sun. Heartbeat. The throbbing of my pain. Breath. Breathing in some wild imagination. 

Birds flying high in the sky. The blue sky & clouds against the backdrop of the mountains, red rock, and city dwellers. 

A hummingbird was sucking up some nectar from a nearby tree. I gazed mesmerizingly and soon after it flew up near me. Buzzing around in pure joy. God the movement and grace and vibration. Sucked into a pure space observing life with intense feeling, but mental detachment. It flew around me so close with such beauty, so close I could almost touch it at certain points. My heart melted in intense love and appreciation that made the energy in my hands glow. 

Intentionally creating my own angels and connections and almost instantly manifesting the magic of the heart and mind of the Universe. How deep does the love go? What’s possible with love and unity? 

Stop at every moment and soak it all in. Nowhere to go, but here. In my car putting on some old school Lincoln Park. Head banging around just enjoying the music for the pure enjoyment of the music. Ahhh wow the being-ness is all there is. So rich and full. Spontaneous video time. Wig and third eye... check. Phone check... rolling... lights... camera... action. Take one roll at it and it’s gold. Truly felt like making videos back in old times. 

I pull up Facebook and the first thing I see is a video from exactly one year ago when I was living at this condominium community. “Higher Timeline” is written at the top. And all the metaphors and connection of today’s experience crystallized in a moment. 

Especially cuz one of the intentions or feelings I blasted out today was wondering what it felt like for the Higher Self awareness. What does that feel like? To be in that state? To be that kind of being?